"Reborn into Water and Fire"

Baptism in Lake Attitlan

Reborn in water:  I was first baptised as a little baby at St. Augustine's Church in Hartford CT.  I obviously can't recall the event to memory yet i possess a picture which tells the story well enough.  I am in my mother's arms. As she holds me she is quite beautiful in her youthful appearance with long wavy brunette curls that fall on her shoulders which are supporting a striking blue floral pattern dress covering the contours of her then slender body.  To our left dutifully stands the "god parents."  I believe their names are Dave and Karen Hodge although i am not entirely certain. The photo i am describing was taken in the 80's yet Dave and Karen's attire would lead you to believe we were not only in fact still very much in the previous decade, but there with confidence and in the heights of timely fashion.  My godfather had so much hair from the shoulders up that even with a photo to reference i still really have no idea what he looks like or if he is still living today for that matter. The three of them have a look as if they are all really "getting a kick" out of their church experience as it is clearly understood that the rather rigid and ceremonial environment at St. Augustine's was not their usual haunt.  I of course managed to maintain the cliche of the crying baptized baby who was infuriated by the unexpected water and appear to have screamed my little head and face off till it was candy apple red.

 

      The biggest difference between my first and second baptism was that i consciously chose my second and had a clear understanding and purpose for what i was doing.  I should make it clear that i hold no ill thoughts towards my baby baptism...although it was in regard to my well-being unnecessary.  Many people believe that a baby baptism in the catholic church is a sort of "fire insurance."  That sacrament is a necessary step towards the salvation of the tiny soul.  Yet, the baby has no idea what's happening to her and I think every reader of this blog can agree that no baby's soul is ever in any kind of danger.   My study of scripture has revealed that Baptism has nothing to do with the salvation of your soul in a direct manner.  It is merely a public expression to yourself and others that the decision of your faith is real and permanent.  It is a dying to your old self and a tangible expression of your new life in Christ.  So as Christ is my example and was baptized, so too i was baptized.  By doing so i agree to continue to follow His example and His teachings and strive towards the practices of  love, forgiveness, and selflessness.  This form of scripturally sound baptism can only take place at an age where you understand what you are doing.  This doesn't however mean that i will suddenly be able to conduct myself perfectly all the time.  In fact i want to share that lately things have been even more difficult.

 

Reborn in Fire:

     Readers of "Revelation and Response" have noted there has been a very large gap in time since my last post.  There have been many reasons for this.  I have wrestled with myself over the past couple months and have decided to share some of those reasons with you now.  This blog was always intended to have an encouraging theme.  Yet it also needs to remain real and true without watering down the experiences of it's author or others involved.  The truth is that part of the reason i haven't been blogging is for technical reasons, computer  problems etc. I have also been incredibly busy in my daily work here.  Although it's noted i haven't been sharing as much rest assured; we have a full house here at Hogar de la Roca where lives are changing daily.  We also remain very active helping other ministries, building an orphanage, and helping the hurting from the mountains to the near city streets.  But the real truth and what's really kept me from writing is that I myself have been hurting.

Feeding the Hungry in the remote mountains of Escipulas

     Although i have been pushing forward with the work i was called to it has been increasingly more difficult.  In fact since the brief days directly  following my baptism i have been undergoing an entire battery of spiritual, physical, emotional, and financial tests.  The first and most critical problem has been my health as of late.  I will randomly start experiencing crippling bone and joint pain all over my body that comes and goes sometimes lasting for weeks.  This will be accompanied at times by such extreme fatigue that i can barely get out bed.  Fever symptoms have come and gone and maybe the scariest part is that i occasionally lose my vision in one or both eyes for minutes at a time.

     Countless hours and dollars have been spent at the hospitals down here but between the language barrier, the complicated symptoms, and the inherent disadvantages in the medical communtity of a developing country, i have yet to receive a diagnosis.  I have been taking 90 days of antibiotics in case it is Lymes disease which is impossible to test for here because it doesn't exist here.  I also have a medical referral to visit a specialist in Rheumatoid arthritis as it runs in my family but it is very expensive to go and often inconclusive.  Also, my close friend Dustin passed away at age 24.  I  spent my months before coming to Guate developing a close friendship with him and teaching him to play guitar  Yet i received news his poor mother who is also a friend  found him suddenly dead in his bed.  Dustin's effect on me could have easily been a blog post in itself.  On the same day i heard this news i went to the gym to run and found that my brand new running shoes from the states that i waited six months to get were stolen from my locker leaving me sneakerless.  Not too long after my wallet went missing with all my cash, license, bank cards etc.  Additionally there were promises that i believed with all my heart to receive from God which suddenly seemed snatched away.  These are promises i was basing my entire future around and i still haven't been able to get a clear answer as to what is going on in that area.. Moreover, my family and other close friends have been under attack on every single side in ways too personal and sensitive to mention here, yet devastating to watch helplessly from thousands of miles away.  All this and much more has happened since the day of my baptism along with many long hours and nights to dwell and be tested while being tied to a ministry 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  This has left me too tired and uninspired at the end of each day to maintain my blog duties for fear of sounding to bleak.  Although I am beginning to see the lesson that the great teacher has in mind for me.

     " So be truly glad.  There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.  These trials will show that your faith is genuine.  It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold- though your faith is far more precious than mere gold." 1st Peter 1: 6-7
     The typical view of Christian life is that it means being delivered from all adversity.  But it actually means being delivered into and through adversity which is something very different.  Often times Christianity is "sold" to others as a sort of magical wand and cure-all for all of life's woes.  Yet this is not an accurate portrayal of the life of a Christian on earth.  "God does not give us overcoming life; He gives us life as we overcome.  The strain of life is essential because it builds our strength." (Oswald Chambers)  This strain serves the same purpose as  the weights of a bodybuilder.  How would his or her muscles ever grow if they didn't use heavy weights for resistance?  I have spent a lot of time asking God to remove obstacles from my life.  But i believe now that these very obstacles are the tools to achieve my future purpose and  joy.  How can we appreciate the mountain-top experiences if we spend no time in the valley?  Admittedly i believe this valley experience came too close to my previous one and i have spent a lot of time angry and confused. And for the first time in almost two years I was tempted many times and in many ways to resort to old methods of comforting myself because it felt in moments of desperation like God had forgotten me.  Now, it is for certain that these "valley times" are excellent grounds for families and close friends to lean on and support one another in whatever manner they are able to provide.  They are opportunities for those hurting, and those in a position to help, to show the world what love looks like in times of adversity. And most importantly on a personal level as the verse above suggests these tests and trials have proved to me that no matter what happens i still love God more than ever and just want more of Him.  And not just for what He can give me.  I think a healthy body is an example of a  condition i placed on God as a prerequisite to me serving Him.  Now i know that in sickness and health, poverty or wealth, whatever life circumstance i may find myself in....I JUST WANT MORE GOD.  I am still fighting for sure and  even as I type this I am aware of the pain in my body and the joints of my fingers. The difference is that now as opposed to before I am fighting the good fight, and only in my weakness can His strength be made completely visible and perfect.  
     If you too are in a valley i encourage you to turn and face the strain for God will not leave us here forever.  It is for a purpose and a greater plan bigger than we can understand in this moment.  And yet,  in just a little while we will look down from the heights of a fresh and high mountain and remember our struggle as we look upon it with newly opened eyes.  It is in that moment we will understand why we had to spend our time in the valley in order to reach this future glory, and we will actually thank and praise the living God for His wisdom, care, mercy, and unyielding plan for our lives and futures.

James 1:2-4 " Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."